ONE LONG CRAPPY WEEK

Well as I've said before this blog is like a journal to me, so today I'm sharing some very personal feelings and I apologize if I share too many details. I just feel this is a place to help me deal with things that are going on. It has been quite the crappy past 10 days. Lots of changes and feelings and things that I won't go into right now because looking back they are so trivial compared to this. There have also been silver linings during these dark clouds. I'm going to just share the events and feelings of the last 36 hours or so.
Many of you know we were anticipating the arrival of child #2 in May. I was so excited because it was perfect timing! Ashlyn and the baby would be 2 1/2 years apart and I wouldn't have to be pregnant in the Summer.
Well, Monday night we were getting ready to go to Cold Stone for Ashlyn's free birthday ice cream. Before we left, I noticed that I had light bleeding. I asked Cole what he thought and we decided to just wait and see if it went away. If it didn't then I was going to call the doctor after we got back. We had a fun time just being together as our little family and watching Ashlyn enjoy her blue ice cream (cotton candy flavor) with sprinkles. I really didn't think too much about what was going on in my body.
When we got home, the bleeding hadn't stopped and I was starting to have light cramping. I called the answering service for the doctor and they told me should would call me back within 45 minutes. So we waited. When she called be back, she asked the usual questions and told me to take it easy and that if it got worse to go to the hospital. She also told me to call the clinic in the morning and let them know what was going on. This was about 9:45, so I went in and got ready for bed and just laid on my left side for awhile. I was hoping and praying that it wasn't a big problem and that everything would be ok.
During the middle of the night I woke up with terrible stomach cramps. The next morning I woke up and as I was getting dressed I noticed that my stomach wasn't as hard as it had been. I didn't allow myself to pay much attention to it. I called the clinic and told them what was going on and they told me they would put a message into the nurse.
I have to say, I really like my doctor's nurse. She is so kind and listens to me and my questions. She called me back and said that I needed to come in and have some lab work done and an ultrasound. She said she would call and see if she could schedule the ultrasound for that afternoon. She called me back and said they could get me in at 1:30. She also said I needed to drink 32 oz of water by 12:30 and that I couldn't go to the bathroom either until after the ultrasound! Torture!
My Mom and Dad watched Ashlyn and Cole and I headed down to my appointment. I was stressing about it the whole way there. We finally found the building we were suppose to be in. That new hospital is ginormous! They took us back to the ultrasound room and checked my bladder to make sure it was ok. Then I got to go to the bathroom (yippee!) and then they had me change and they did an ultrasound. She was looking for the baby and since it was only the size of a medium green olive, it took a little bit of searching. Once she found the baby she turned to screen to show us. I could tell something was wrong by the look on her face. I prayed it wasn't so. She said there's the baby. I asked her if it was still alive and she shook her head and said no. She pointed to the baby's chest and said, "There should be a heartbeat right here." I just started crying. Cole gave me some kleenex and I just laid there. The techs told us to take our time and then left the room. I just stared at the screen of that little baby. I could see its head, arms, bum, legs and feet. I just didn't understand and I didn't know what I was feeling. I told Cole I felt like I had lost a baby even though we hadn't met, I still felt an incredible bond to it. We had been looking forward to a new member of our family and it was gone. Cole said he really hadn't worried too much about this happening with this pregnancy as he had with Ashlyn's. I think it really stunned him. He asked me if I some what knew this is what it was. I told him I had a feeling that this would be the result although I had maintained my faith. I got dressed and we walked back to the Women's Center. As we were walking I told Cole that it really helps that I have a baby to go home to. This experience has made me much more grateful for Ashlyn and my pregnancy with her. I realize more now that she is a miracle and a blessing in our life.
Logic says that it is probably best it happened now and that there was obviously something wrong with the baby. And I agree it is better at 9 weeks instead of 6 months or 9 months. But emotions don't always go along with logic.
As we walked into the Women's Center a couple and their brand new baby were heading home. It just made me cry more. I never really understood the impact a miscarriage has on someone. Now I get it. Although there isn't anything tangible it still hurts. I think it made it harder because I actually saw the baby.
I went up to my doctor's office and waited. Linda, the nurse I love, came out and said she hadn't received the results of the ultrasound yet and that she didn't know what was going on. I told her and she just gave me a hug and said she was so sorry. She went and checked and then told me I still needed to go and have my labs done so they could check things out.
We went over to the lab and Cole stayed in the waiting room since he hates needles and I knew there was a possibility he would pass out. While I was getting my blood drawn, he called his Dad and told them what had happened. I was trying to hold myself together. The nurse took me back and asked me how I was doing. I just broke down again. I think it really surprised her but she was so sweet. She said she was sorry and asked if I needed a hug. I took her up on the offer. As she was preparing to draw my blood, I saw her wipe a tear away. What a nice lady, she didn't even know me, yet she shared in my sorrow. We started talking and I found out that her granddaughter's name is Ashlyn too. Her Ashlyn is 3 1/2. We laughed about how funny they are. I thanked her for her kindness and went back over to the doctor's office. Since I am RH-negative, I had to have a shot. As we waited, Linda, explained to me what to expect over the next few days and what procedures will have to be done to resolve this. I got my shot and a bright blue crayon band-aid. When we got to the car I told Cole I needed a Dr. Pepper. We had to make a stop on the way home to pick up some Witch's Brooms that I had ordered at Swiss Days. They are adorable. Anyway, then Cole pulled into the 7-11. I went in and got a slurpee and a donut and they were delicious.
When we got back to my parents house, I just started crying all over again. They gave us hugs and told us how sorry they were. My mom had a miscarriage before her pregnancy with me, so she and my dad know what we are dealing with. They were so sweet. Then Ashlyn woke up from her nap and came out her happy self. I gave her a big hug and told her how much I love her. I asked my Mom if she would let our family know. I just didn't have it in me to call everyone. I did call Paige, because she was SO excited for us and the new baby. I feel bad though because I made her cry at her dance class! Paige is like a little sister to me, and she is such a kind and loving girl.
We went home and Cole was so good to entertain Ashlyn while I read up on miscarriages and just sat and thought about the days events. My sister called and I told her what had happened. She was so cute, she told me she had to run into Costco and that she would be right over with dinner. I really appreciate her thoughtfulness. We were just going to have eggs and she brought us Chicken and Pumpkin Bread Pudding (divine!) and luckily I had side dishes in the cupboard and fridge. :) She put together the dinner and as we were sitting down, my mom stopped by. After we ate, my brother called to see how I was doing. It was nice to have my family with me.
By 10:00 I was beat. I think I had cried enough for all of us. So I asked Cole if he would e-mail my friends and family and let them know what had happened. He told me he would take care of it and I went to bed.
This morning I woke up and saw that Cole had sent the nicest e-mail to everyone. And that I had so many responses from my friends. I just want to say Thank You to everyone. I really appreciate your thoughts, prayers, dinners, offers to take Ashlyn, and offers to do anything for me. I appreciate each one of you and I'm grateful for my friendships. I know I couldn't get through this alone. This is definitely a trial for me, but I know there is something to learn from this and that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and our family. Cole and I were asked to do a sealing assignment tomorrow, and I'm very grateful for the Temple and I'm looking forward to sitting with Cole in the Temple and being able to get through this together. I'm feeling ok and I'm just waiting for my body to do its thing. I hoping it will be done sooner rather than later. I want to take care of everything and start to move on.
Thanks again for your love and support.
Julie

All in a Weekend!

Last week was our annual time share up in Snowbird. I hadn't been up there in a couple of years so it was nice to get away for a couple of days and just relax! Our condo overlooks the heated family pool. This is both good and bad. Good-because growing up our parents would send us down and then sit on the patio and watch us. They never really did answer my question of "What was your plan if one of us was drowning?" Were they going to jump 3 stories into the bushes? Thankfully, we never had to find out. Bad-It's really noisy at times! Thankfully the pool closes at 9 pm and they kick everyone out at 9.

Well, Ashlyn has never been to snowbird and she was SO excited when she saw that there was a pool and she could go swimming! Here's her reaction:

Paige and Olivia were out of school for UEA so they came up with us. In the 2 days we were there Ashlyn, Paige and Olivia went swimming 3 times. I went 2 times. The girls took Ashlyn so I could try and take a nap since Ashlyn didn't sleep that great the first night. The last night we were there, Ashlyn did not want to get out of the pool. We were in there for nearly 2 hours. The kid has no fear. I think her favorite part was in the shallow end, she could touch the bottom so she didn't need to hold onto anyone. However, she would then try to venture out to the deeper end and would then get annoyed when I tried to hold onto her. She is definitely a fish out of water!

The other thing Ashlyn really liked about Snowbird was she didn't have a high chair/booster seat up there. She was a big girl and got to sit in a chair. Ahh the little things in life! Every morning for breakfast, she would sit by Paige and want to eat Paige's cereal. I also gave her toast with our homemade raspberry peach jam. Here are a few pictures of her licking the toast. Hey, who said anything about actually eating the bread!

And while we were there, Ashlyn learned how to say M&M's and Olivia. It's hilarious!

Overall it was a much needed low key weekend, filled with Chick Flicks, treats, and lots of swimming fun!

Bouncing around at Kangaroo Zoo!

Since we aren't having Ashlyn Birthday Party until Saturday Night, I really wanted to do something with our cute little family. So we went out to eat and then to Kangaroo Zoo. When we arrived, she was SO excited to go in.

As we were paying, we mentioned that it was her Birthday and the girl behind the counter was so cute. She brought Ashlyn over a little gift. It's a squishy ball that lights up. She was thrilled and wanted to just play with that for a little while.
It later came in handy at her Doctor appointment the next day to distract her from the shot. (That's another blog...) anyway, we finally went into the big play area and she was not so sure about the whole thing.

Cole and I commented that's great, we'll just stand here for the next1 1/2 starring at them.

So I told her I would go down the big slide and show her that it was fun. See the picture below--
Next I had Cole go down, she wasn't buying it. Finally I just picked her up and put her on the slide and let go. She was hooked! We had so much fun trading off with her and going down the big slides, she enjoyed it a lot.

We partied till they closed! So if any of you want a day out we can head on over to the zoo and I'll get us some coupons!!

How many are there of you???

Maryjo had this on her blog so I checked it out. Out of Cole, Ashlyn and me, mine is the only one that says for sure there is only 1 of me! How crazy is that? With my maiden name--Stover there are 48! That suprises me because it isn't a very common last name! So go and see how many of you exist!

HowManyOfMe.com

There is 1 person with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!

From this...
To this...Wow! I can't believe that two years has already gone by! It's amazing how quickly they grow up and how much fun each stage is. She is such a good girl and I've loved being home with her. I don't know what we ever did before she came into our lives. Happy Birthday Baby!!

Ashlyn, here are the things about you and things you love and don't love at two:
1. You love the fact that you figured out how to climb out of your crib
2. You don't like naps
3. You love playing with friends and being a social butterfly
4. You are very caring and concerned about others. Thank you for always turning the fan on for me when I'm hot :)
5. You make Mom and Dad laugh every day
6. You say Yes when Mom asks you if you are trying to make her crazy
7. You love to dance
8. You don't like veggies very much
9. You love fruit
10. You love to ride your bike
11. You love to read books
12. You know all of your abc's and numbers
13. You are very smart and you watch closely to see how to do things
14. You love to call Bapa on the phone
15. You love to yell Mom!
16. You love Sesame Street and Signing Time
17. You say Thank You
18. You are such a sweetheart
19. You share with everyone
20. You love your couch
21. You love to help Mom clean (I hope this lasts a very long time!)
22. You love to go outside and swing
23. You love your baby doll
24. You love your mi mi and snuggly
25. You love to act like a doggy and drink water out of a bowl on the floor
26. You love to give hugs and kisses
27. You love to draw and color
28. You are the best thing that has ever happened to us


Happy Birthday! We hope you have a great day! Let's go get some balloons :)
Love,
Mom and Dad

Mommy Monday was great!

So for those of you who missed our first Mommy Monday or didn't know about it, we missed you! There were about 9 of us and I believe 15 kids if I counted right. I'm not sure who had more fun, the moms or the kids! Our next Mommy Monday is October 20 @ 10:00 a.m. at my house. Anyone is invited to come so bring your neighbors/friends and we'll play! Also, we are planning on doing a bow making day. Please let me know if a Saturday morning or afternoon would work best for you. :)

Bapa's Pumpkin Patch

So earlier this year I posted a picture of my Dad's garden and sadly, I haven't really taken many pictures of it over the summer, but today was the finally day of harvest. It has been really fun having the garden and I must say, I benefited more than I helped. I've got zucchini to last for a long time. One thing we learned this year is not to plant your zucchini and squash next to the pumpkins because they cross pollinate and become zucchinikins or pumpsquash. Or gourds.

Since it is, pardon my french, Butt Freezing Cold Outside, our garden is giving in to winter. My dad (Ashlyn calls him Bapa) came over this morning and we were off to pick the pumpkins. It has been so cute seeing Ashlyn follow my dad out to the garden regularly to pick tomatoes, baby cucumbers, zucchini, and squash. She just tags along behind him and pretty much picks whatever she pleases. He's so cute with her and doesn't mind when she yanks off the tiny tomatoes. I snapped a few pictures of the busy farmers and their last harvest.

Thanks for the pumpkins Bapa!! They look great!

Tag You're It!

Well, thanks to my sister-in-law, Lisa, I've been tagged. I've known about this for a few days and have been trying to think of 7 random/weird facts about myself and I'm racking my brain (what's left of it!) So I asked Cole for some ideas and he was of little help. So here goes...sorry if they are lame.

1. I have decorations for my house for every month. I've been lazy this year, but I usually change the theme every month because I get tired of looking at the same stuff.

2. I drink a TON of water every day. I have to have my water bottle with me at all times.

3. I can tell you where the bathroom is in many, many places around town. (see #2 if you aren't sure why)

4. If I don't put it on my calendar, I can't guarantee I'll remember it.

5. I love the little moment right after Ashlyn has woken up from her nap and she just lays her head on my shoulder.

6. I'm left handed and always in the right frame of mind! HA!

7. I am a social butterfly. I up for anything, anytime, with almost anyone. :) So...where are we off to???

So now I have to nominate 7 other people. So here goes...Holli, Kim, Vinnie, Michelle Nelson, Tonya, Tara, Apryle, and anyone else who wants to rack their brain! :)

Shhh....A little birdie told me...

Shhh....I'm suppose to be taking a nap but I climbed out of my crib and Mommy doesn't know that I'm playing with her computer again! If she did, she would get angry eyes which she says causes wrinkles. She talks about her blog and writing on it, so I want to play too.

I got a new shirt that I'm so excited about! It has cute little birdies on it. Birdies say chirp chirp...I like birdies. But when I wear this shirt people get so excited and say Congratulations! I have no idea what in the world they are talking about and then they ask me if I'm excited. Excited about what? I get excited about a lot of things. So sure...I'm excited. Here's a picture of my new shirt!! Maybe you can explain to me what I'm excited about! K, I hear my mom, I gotta go climb back in my crib with my baby and "mi mi" (binkie) Bye. Ashlyn

Ben and Jerry's...The Breast Is Best?!

Ok so I totally forgot that I was going to blog about this. Thank you Melanie for reminding me. A few weeks ago I was driving in the car to my Chiropractor appointment to fix the pulled muscles in my neck and back from playing Volleyball with the Young Women. And no it wasn't some hot spike move like you see on Top Gun and the Playin' with the Boys scene...pause...Hot Hot Hot Guys!

Ok back to me driving in the car. So I hear on the radio that the Vice President of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), Tracy Reiman has written a letter to Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Company urging......pause again, I am laughing too hard to even type. Urging them to to replace the use of cow's milk in their product with Human Breast Milk. Yes, you read that correctly and yes, I typed it correctly.

Here is a quote from the letter written:

"PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health. "

"The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn't make sense," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. "Everyone knows that 'the breast is best,' so Ben & Jerry's could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk."

Ok Psycho Sally...are you freaking kidding me? Isn't the whole point of a dairy cow's life to produce milk? Don't the milk commercials say that cows are happy producing milk? She doesn't think it is "fair" that the cow must continually be impregnated to meet the milk consumption demands. Honestly...doesn't she realize that the babies that come from the dairy cows that produce the milk for us also become the meat for us?

And "a favor to consumers"? I would say there would be a huge decline in Ice Cream consumption across the U.S.! I know I would be finding a new dessert!!

Is Tracy Reiman willing to be the first one to take a stand for all cows and pledge the rest of her life to continual pregnancies? $10 bucks says she has NEVER had a baby and NEVER experienced engorged breasts! Her mom must be so proud!

So here is Ben and Jerry's response:

Ben & Jerry's spokesman Rob Michalak said the company applauds PETA's creative approach to bring attention to an issue, but believes that a mother's milk is best used by a child.

My response: The Company laughed hysterically over this letter and couldn't wait to share it with the rest of America. We applaud PETA for another ridiculous suggestion that nearly caused us to either pee our pants or throw up.

See the whole story below:

http://www.wptz.com/news/17539127/detail.html

The Nightmare at Inn on the Creek

It sounds like it should be some horror movie to be released shortly, but no it isn't. It is the description of what should have been a nice relaxing weekend for our Anniversary. A few years ago we went up to this darling bed and breakfast in Midway. It was the Inn on the Creek. We had a great time just enjoying the mountains and sleep! For breakfast we had the BEST Blueberry Cream Cheese Stuffed French Toast. I was pregnant with Ashlyn and it was SO yummy. Ever since then I've wanted to go up there just for the breakfast. When my sister and brother-in-law offered to have Ashlyn come spend the night with them (That's a post in itself) we took them up on it! We decided to go back to the Inn. We were looking forward to sleeping in!
We went up to Heber and had dinner and then headed to Midway. Upon arrival we were greeted by a bleach blonde, pretend I'm still 29, lady with nasty long fake nails. She says, "Oh good, your here, I can go home now." Really...we're glad to be here too. She proceeds to tell us she doesn't know why we picked the room we did, but here's the key. Cole told her he just picked one online and that whatever room she had we would take. She kept us in the same room. As we are leaving to find our room, we mention that we can't wait for Breakfast! She then says, "Oh we don't serve breakfast anymore. We've got new owners and it was too expensive to staff it, so they closed it down, we only serve dinner on Friday and Saturday." So...when you say you are a Bed and Breakfast, what you really mean is your a Bed and...? Nice.
So off we go bummed that we won't be having the fabulous french toast. We pull up to the building that our room-G3- is in and are greeted with a "For Sale" sign. Odd. We go into what looks like an apartment building and proceed up to the top floor. We open the door and we've arrived! I turn the air down since it was only a balmy 76 in there and find a sign that says, Please wait 20 minutes for the air to turn on. Ok whatever. Then I really wanted to watch Juno so I go to put the DVD in and surprise! No DVD player. Online it states that there is one in the room. Ok no big deal. I find Legally Blonde II on TV, lucky Cole! So we are watching the movie and all of a sudden I hear this chirping sound. I asked Cole it he can hear it and he can't. It goes off again...did you hear it? No. So I'm up trying to figure out the source of the mysterious chirping noise. I'm out in the hall listening intently and it goes off again. It's in our room and it is the Smoke Detector. Nice...battery is dying! So I ask Cole to get it down off the vaulted ceiling by balancing on the arm of the couch and take the battery out. At this point I'm sure that 20 min has passed and still no air. Ok...we'll keep waiting and turn on the ceiling fan. Low and behold, the fan is clanking against the ceiling. Are you kidding me? I pick up the Guest Services book to see why the air isn't working. It says that room G1 has control of the air for room G3. WHY?? Well no one is in building G with us so we figure it must be turned off.
As if I hadn't had enough, I go into use the bathroom and notice a dark ring around the tub and the area that you can sit down too. All I'm picturing is a fat hair guy using the tub...gross. Then I pick up the bath towel and can see through it and it smells like mildew. Alright, I'm done! Cole calls down to the front desk and no one answers. Ohhh that's right, she went home. Who closes the front desk of a hotel?? So back to the Guest Services Book--I find a phone number to call in case of an emergency. Well in my book, this is an emergency. I call the number and a guy answers hello? I said, "Is this the number for Inn on the Creek?" "Oh yah it is, this is Ed, what do you need?" I proceed: "Well, I calling about the problems with our room and since no one is answering at the front desk, you get to help us." "Ok what's the problem?" "No I said PROBLEMS" I continue to tell him the above issues. He says to me, "What room are you in?" "G3" "G?" "Yes G, G 3" "G as in game?" "G as in great, gall, gosh, G!" "Why did she put you in G?" "I don't know, all I know is that this is not going to work for us." He tells me to go down to the front desk because someone should be there until 9:30. So we pack up and off we go. We go in and there is no one there...because she left. So the only person we can find is in the Kitchen and he doesn't speak any English. So to make an already long story not so long...here's the jist of it: No one is there, we are trying to communicate to the non English man to call Ed. He calls Elquardo...the cook. So Cole calls Ed and tells him that no one is there to help us. Cole tells him we are leaving and not to charge our card, the man agrees not to and suggests we stay at the Holiday Inn in Heber. Gee, thanks just how I want to spend the weekend. We contemplate going home but decide to see if the Marriott in Park City has any rooms. They do, we book it, it comes with Free Breakfast, we stop at the 7-11 and then check in. They have 1 room with 2 queen beds. Perfect. You get your bed, I'll have mine. :) It was wonderful and the breakfast was fabulous. So we get home and Cole pulls up his credit card account online a few days later and we have been charged for the room from Inn on the Creek. He's ticked and calls the bleached blonde trampy old lady and she says "Well we had to clean it after you left" Cole told her she didn't clean it before we got there! Anyway, I look up Ed's number off of our cell phone account and Cole calls and leaves a message. He never calls back. Surprising. Now we are in a credit card dispute and I'm out to make sure no one else gets ripped off! So as for the Inn on the Creek...THUMBS DOWN! Don't waste your time and money!