I am SO blessed...

I just want to say Thank You to all of you who have shared your thoughts and prayers with us. I knew I had great friends, but I really didn't stop to think about how many friends and how wonderful my friends are. Your concern, compassion, and service is greatly appreciated. Thank you for the kind e-mails, messages, notes, phone calls, flowers, dinners, and offers to help in others way. My home is so bright and happy from the flowers. The messages and e-mails I will always remember. And it has been so nice not having to worry about dinner while I've been recovering. The simplest acts can mean the most.

It's funny because tonight I was telling Cole that I should do more service like I've received. I said, "I should really take dinner to someone sometime." and he said, "You actually have to cook dinner in order to take it to someone. I don't think it would be a good idea to hand them a box of cereal and a 1/2 gallon of milk." I laughed and said, "Hey, I would have you make French Toast and eggs and take it to them!" I thought it was pretty funny. He did say that he didn't mean it rude, he was just saying...

So here is an update on how I am doing. Last week was really rough for our whole family. On Thursday night I ended up in the ER from too much blood loss. It really was not a good experience and the on-call doctor got an earful from my dad which I really think she deserved. For those of you who don't know my dad, you really don't want to be on his bad side. He just tells you how it is. Yes, that is where I get it from. She wasn't my doctor and she was the most uncompassionate woman I have every met. Then later that night I had the "pleasure" of seeing her at the hospital. She told me she has never had a patient's father yell at her. I told her she should think of what her dad would do if it was his daughter who had gone through what I had gone through. She said "Yeah, that's a good point" Aah ya think? Hello! I nearly bled to death at home! Halfwit, of course he was pissed off! I will spare you the rest of her stupidity as far as bedside manor and patient care is concerned.

If I had to do it again, I would have a D&C. I've now heard too many horror stories in regards to the medicine Cytotec, so just from my experience, don't take it! I am however, very impressed with the new hospital although I would have rather not had to have first hand experience with it. Thank goodness for a quick and responsive ER staff. The ER Doc was fabulous and so where the nurses. They worked quick and got my blood pressure back up to normal (it was 80/40) and the color back in my skin. Gray is so not a good skin color on me. See Dr. "Heartless" said to me, "Oh we really don't care about blood pressure, we just care if you have a heartbeat." Oh ok, well if my memory serves me correctly, you have to have blood pumping to your heart in order to maintain a heartbeat! Thank goodness the ER cares about it!

So I now have anemia, which really sucks. Now I know what Cole has been going through for the past 1+ years. I am doing good and just letting my body recover from this. I have to remember to take it easy, I keep wearing myself out. Cole has been great and I am so grateful for a loving and caring husband. He has taken such great care of Ashlyn and me during this time. He even lets me sleep in because he knows I don't feel good. I'm thankful that he is such an involved dad and he is so willing to do so much around the house. It has been a whole new experience and really I could have gone my whole life without having it, but I know there is a reason I had to experience it. Again, it makes me more grateful for Ashlyn and for life. It has also given me more compassion for those who have experienced difficulty trying to have children.

So here I am on the other end of this moment in time and I know I'm a stronger person from it. I know our family will be ok and I know that I will always remember this baby. It's hard to say good-bye when you never had the chance to say hello; but I will always hold this baby in my heart. When we were at the Temple on Thursday, we had the opportunity to do sealings of children to their parents. I just felt what an amazing gift it is to know that our children are sealed to us for time and all eternity and that they are entitled to such wonderful blessings. It's amazing that these experiences can end up teaching us some of the most simple gospel principles.

I'm thankful for the comfort I've received from my Heavenly Father as I've been dealing with this loss. I know that a part of this sorrow is felt by more than just me. I was reading an article on LDS.org about miscarriages and it was talking about the loss and heartache both parents have from these. It simply said to look at the Savior's example and his response to Martha and Mary after Lazarus' death. To Martha He offered His testimony of life after death and asked her to reaffirm her testimony. When Mary expressed her grief over the loss of her brother, the scriptures simply state, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).

I'm thankful for the knowledge I have of the Plan of Salvation. I know He has much more in store for me and my family and I know that He loves each one of us very much.

Cole sent me this quote last Wednesday. Over the past week, I've learned it is true. We have to have faith in order to get through the difficult things we face in this life.

“As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions to the challenges of life you would not obtain otherwise. No matter how strong your faith is, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, He will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you. Your exercise of faith will forge strength of character available to you in times of critical need. Such character is not developed in moments of great challenge or temptation. That is when it is used.” –Unknown